Wednesday, 9 April 2014

DIY Dolt

DIY Dolt....
That's me.
In case you were wondering.

I talked recently about being slapdash and impatient about making things - see my wallpapered clock here.

Well, I'm sorry to say, here are a couple more tales of crafting mishaps.  All you perfectionists out there, look away now...

Buoyed up by the success of my Suffolk puffs here, I thought I'd make a big Suffolk puff and turn it into  a round cushion cover.  Only I didn't measure up properly and when I'd finished gathering the puff around my cushion, there wasn't enough fabric.  Doesn't matter, I thought.  I'll make a second, smaller suffolk puff and stitch it to the gaping hole where the fabric didn't cover the cushion  (I hope I'm making sense here).  It looked OK.  But a little off centre.  So I thought I'd shake the cushion, hoping that it would lose its skew-whiffness.  No chance.  It made it worse.

See what I mean?  And this is looking at the cushion dead on.
 And I'm not unpicking the stitching.  Because I can't be arsed.  I've just turned it round so no-one can see the mess I've made of the other side.

Perfectionist?  Not moi.

I'm also a bit of a twit when it comes to following instructions.  (At least I read them unlike some people in my family who shall remain nameless).

I bought this dinky suitcase from the charity shop recently and discovered some fabulous old legs on a table that was literally rotting away in our damp cellar.

I thought it would be a good idea to make a suitcase table.  Lots of these on the internet.  Instructions say that you should put a piece of plywood or mdf  in the bottom of the case and drill the leg attachments in.  I'm embarrassed to say that I ignored that bit.  I didn't think it was necessary and attached the legs straight onto the case.  With the result that the table was VERY wobbly.  VERY WOBBLY INDEED.  Mr J and P reminded me that the reason you need the wood or mdf in the suitcase bottom is to make the whole construction sturdy and stable.  Aaah yes, that would be a good idea.  So I had to remove the legs and find a bit of mdf and do the whole damn thing all over again.

Here it is in its finished, only slightly wobbly state (it is SLIGHTLY wobbly, as the mdf I used was too thin and I really can't be bothered to remove it and start the whole process yet again).

See what I mean?  A DIY Dolt.  With First Class Honours and a Distinction in Can't be Arsedness *sigh*.

Some people never learn eh?  My mum used to say to me "you get older and you get more stupid every day".  Dammit, she was right after all....


Monday, 10 March 2014

Suffolk puffs on my jeans

I'm very much a jeans and t shirt kind of gal.  So recently, when both my favourite jeans (my 50p skinny jeans from a jumble and a pair of flares that I've had for ever) developed a few rips and holes, I was not a happy bunny.

I hate patching jeans.  In fact, I can't do it properly and it never lasts. But I'd seen this lovely hexagon flower patch here and was very tempted to try something like it:


The only thing was that the big flower hexagon thing wouldn't have worked very well on the numerous little rips on my flared jeans.

I'd seen suffolk puffs being used to embellish cushion covers, bags and even tops but never jeans.  So I thought I'd give it a go.

Lots of instructions everywhere on the net and they are super-easy to do.  Super-easy is always good in my book.

I sewed them on the offending holes and rips and voila!



Little Miss J and P could not take a decent shot of my backside - too much camera shake (I can't think why):

This is best of a bad bunch
A less scarey shot of  my behind
Not sure how long they'll keep further rips and holes at bay but I think they look cute.  Practicality was never my strong point......  xx

Friday, 7 February 2014

Attention to detail is not my strong point

I've always liked the white acrylic cuckoo clock in our hallway but felt it looked a little bland against the yellow wall.

So, I rediscovered some glorious 70s wallpaper from the fabulous Vintage Sheet Addict which was languishing in a drawer.  I traced round the clock and hacked away at the outline using a (virtually blunt) craft knife.

I wasn't able to remove the clock hands so I cut the wallpapering covering in half (badly) and glued it on the clock easing it around the middle bit and the hands.

Et voila!

If you look very carefully you can see the joins of the two halves of wallpaper and a fair few bubbles. *Sigh* I did say that my attention to detail was rubbish didn't I?

Mr J and P says that the solution is dim lighting.  The man has a point.

Little Miss J and P says that I needn't worry, she won't be looking at it anytime soon as "it's so disgusting." Errr thanks.

Oh well, I'm quite pleased with it and it doesn't look too botched....from a distance... [STOP PRESS:  when I last looked at the clock this morning, I couldn't see any bubbles whatsoever *huzzah*]

How about you?  What are you like when you're doing a spot of diy or being creative?  Are you, like me, a "devil-may-care dumb-ass"?  Or a "picky perfectionist"?  I'd love to know.  xx

Friday, 17 January 2014


If someone had said to me a few months ago that I'd be enthusing about taxidermy, I'd have told them to get stuffed (that's appalling, I'm sorry).

Probably one of my favourite places that we visited on our trip to Paris was Deyrolle - a taxidermy shopping paradise.  Downstairs is an upmarket shop selling twee gardening accoutrements such as this rather fetching and very matchy matchy velvet apron and hat set - highly useful when digging up your tatties in the allotment eh Mr J and P?

Upstairs is taxidermy gone mad.  Animals large and small (when I say large, I really mean large:  giraffes, zebras, tigers, lions), insects, butterflies, shrunken heads.....  Yes, I DID say shrunken heads.  ALL for sale. 22,000 euros for a zebra anyone?

It's truly bizarre being able to stroll amongst the critters. You're not allowed to take any photos but Little Miss J and P managed to sneak in a few selfies:

Check out their website here for a catalogue of their collections and some very interesting pics such as these:

What the heck?

Fascinating n'est pas?

Before I go, I just would like to say that I do not like jokes about German sausages.........They really are the wurst.  Oh that just makes me laugh and laugh.

Au revoir dear readers. xx

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

I've come over all natural

Recently, Mr J and P told me that our neighbour over the road was going to give us a bottle of Baileys because he had one spare.

Fast forward a week later.  I had to call round to said neighbour for something and after we'd finished our conversation, he said "I've got something for you" and dashed off into the house to retrieve it.  Aah, that would be the bottle of Baileys I thought.  Imagine my poor bewildered little face when he thrust into my sweaty mitts a bunch of bay leaves.

Clearly NOT a bottle of Baileys.

I accepted the bunch of bay leaves with great enthusiasm, declaring excitedly (a little too excitedly I feel) "I LOVE bay leaves!" and toddled off to give Mr J and P the full admonishment he deserves; the deaf old git.

Now, this is the time of year when I get busy making our Xmas wreath.  My major contribution to the Xmas decorating here at J and P Towers.

This year I've come over all natural.  No more the plastic bags wreath of 2010 and 2011 here with its glittery penguins and oversized reindeer.  Gone too is last year's  pompom garlanded wreath and all its paraphernelia.  It's been dismantled and in its place is holly from our very own holly tree and a few sprigs of our very own ivy (which is looking a bit droopy but never mind).

Perhaps I could have added a bay leaf or two eh?

I suspect that this has done the rounds but it was sent to us at work via our occupational health and safety newsletter:
Did you know that…?
  • 31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the Christmas lights were plugged in.
  • 142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all the pins from new shirts
  • 58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.
  • 19 Brits died in a 3 year period believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.
  • One year British hospitals reported 4 broken arms after cracker pulling accidents.
  • 101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.
  • 18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
  • A massive 543 Brits were admitted to hospital over a two year period after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.
  • Over one Christmas period 5 Brits were injured in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.
  • In 2000, eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the loo.
Do be careful pulling those Xmas crackers now won’t you?

Au revoir mes amis.  See you in the New Year when I get back from gay Paris...xx

Friday, 6 December 2013

The Postcard Wall

Friday is my day off and recently, Little Miss J and P asked me what I did all day.  "Oh, I'm very busy,"  I lied.  I explained that I go to Aqua Aerobics in the morning with my fellow over-50s.  It's a dead cheap session - a bargain at £2.70  The only downside is the music.  Last week I had to endure such gems as Cliff Richard's "The Young Ones" which the old dears sang along to with great gusto  and Rod Stewart's classic "Do you think I'm Sexy?".  Such fun...

Anyway, back to my discussion with Little Miss J and P.  "Oh and I do lots of cleaning, " I lied again.  "Funny that," said Little Miss J and P "every time I come home from school on Fridays, I notice you've been fiddling with the postcard wall again."

I can't deny it, dear readers, I just can't leave the postcard wall alone.

I recently rediscovered Mr J and P's vast collection of postcards languishing in the loft.  I rescued them and stuck some on the wall on the landing.

First of all they looked like this.

I wasn't happy.

Now I've stuck them over two walls so they look like this.

I'm still not happy.

Particularly as the washi tape that I've used to stick the posties on the wall is not fit for purpose and they keep falling off  *cross face*.

I've noticed that Little Miss J and P has taken a leaf out of my book and stuck her postcards on her bedroom wall like so:

I must say I'm liking the randomness of the display.  I may have to copy.

Talking of Little Miss J and P, I've also noticed strange pre-teen behaviour on her part.  Look what she's daubed on her globe light:

And this:

 And it can only get worse.....

Peace and love.  xx

Wednesday, 23 October 2013

Bang Bang Crash

It's hellish here at J and P Towers.  We've got the builders in and it's week 3 of raging chaos, dust, grit and no proper kitchen, lounge or downstairs loo.  What's more, they're still going strong!

The sad ruins of our kitchen:

We've got rising damp, caused by a defective damp course. It's one of those annoying things where you really don't have anything to show for all the banging, crashing and chaos not to mention all the dosh we're having to throw at it *gulp* .  Apart from a new kitchen worktop which looks very similar to the old one, only in black, and new kitchen tiles.

We can't find a thing because everything is where it shouldn't be:

The downstairs loo without the loo:

That's because it's in the garden.  Of course!

There's even a bloody cement mixer parked in our beloved dining room which Mr J and P has a habit of colliding with, turning the already dusty air blue with his swearing.

Never have I been so happy to be going to work.  Particularly as now our next door neighbours have got the builders in too.  Poor old Mr J and P is currently at home, in between jobs, and I keep getting emails from him saying "It's like the fall of Berlin here" and "news from the bunker....." and "Oh God, there's a builders' convention right outside our house."

The only thing that is keeping me and Mr J and P sane(ish) is our nightly dose of Breaking Bad (just finished season 2 fyi).

See you on the other side... xx